My idea(i.e.something ideal to me) is always light years away from my current status. May it be called dellusion from personality disorder, or simply stupidity,,,,hahaha!!!

Conglatulations to who were entitled degrees at the ceremony. Unfortunately, I could not get there but hoping to see you all sometime very soon.

Immediately after salary had been paid, I had to pay my rent and other bills. This wholemonthly-routine could be `booked` in a way I usually deal with even merger of a bank;Dr Asset /Cr. Revenue →Dr.Expense/Cr. Asset. The insight dual accounting hints is almost, say, devine for expressing one of the most fundamental rules of our recognition, NO PAIN NOGAIN in the simplest way. Although I am someone working for my bread, I need daily bread to work 10 hours on average (and not surprisingly, what I want is more than merely a loaf of bread!), I could tempolary save instead of buying bread, but it never takes long being sent to hospital, and costs me more to stay there. Of course I know there are people who are free from all these  rat-race things, but they would sacrify their excitement instead of anxiety, or vice versa. I suddenly remember what my friend used to tell me; happiness is what you get after you give up something. I agree, but still, happiness is a good thing to me.

I am an egoist, leading life for my own sake. I may be lack of respect to things around, yet I can only define my self relative to other things/people. I am an egoist without ego. The idea is savage. That's my lament.

Thank you very much for all who left me touching messages for my birthday, and for who didn't . I may not be as young as I used to be, but you all made a part of my life, thus I can lead it with my herat fully content. Thanks for you all again!!!

I have been busy recently/I am not that serious about this time...it's just a trial/I have no ergent plan which needs a good mark/ These are all my excuses taking HSK( st like Chinese ver. of IELTS) WITHOUT STUDYING EVEN A MINUTE!!!!

The dream which I had last night was about what I always dreaming of, which could hardly come true. What made me have such a dream??I am not sure. Perhaps I am trying to cure my pain which I usualy do not feel, but does exsist beneath my conciousness, or, I may simply miss you.

`My life is as perfect as the round shape of the full moon`, an aristcrat made such a poem more than 1000 years ago. He was the super power at that time, To me, the moon is too far and thus looks too vague to employ as the `mirror` of my life. Still my life is as good as moon cakes or moon dumplings though.

Going to Tokyo to find my new place. Its gonna be a busy day tomorrow. 

After a person gained prosperity, she starts seeking a way for immortality and forever-youth. It may lead her evendisgusting activities, such as eating fresh of babies, bathing in blood of virgines or taking botox injection!! To me, it is enough if I can fill my life joy and prosper...the length doesn`t matter. So I started researching the way to control my fatigue with both what I eat and how I sleep, hoping to live better till the day I die. 

This is an old book shelve which has stored hundreds of books in my sister`s room for almost 20 years. She decided to throw it away, but it is too large to be carried through our tiny house.Then, she asked me to break it down instead of paying \15,000 to a scrapper.It was tired some and sentimental moment for me to saw and hammer it down, knowing we cannot live together with reminders of old good days.The shelve was tone up into pieces with only 30 mins.

Seems that I!ve lost my sense of time again....I cannot believe I was in UK just a week ago nor I have been at home less than a week. I am missing everyone there but I!ve settled myself down so easily. And I am very much sure that I will be talking to you as if we`d met yesterday, even it could be years later to see you again. The curious thing is that some times these things make me feel as if I am living various different lives at the same time. Then everytime I move around to another place from here, my mind switches onto one of my lives which would have continued there. In short, I am different when my surroundings are different.......having said that, some noises jam into my mind occaisionally.These noises such as friendship, devotion, or nostalgy, may be the elements of something called my identity. The problem is that which experience in my life turns out to be one of these noises is pretty much unpredictablle. So following rather than predicting the tidal current to the future is recomended as a "wise" way. But I will do neither. Strangely, now I`ve got a strong confidence about what I`ve been worrying about for a long time, thus I can BELIEVE in stead of predict or follow whatever happens.

 Finally I am leaving UK. Luckily enough, I could see some of my friends to say good bye. I don't have that much sentimental feeling, rather worring about what to do next than being driven by such a sentimate. But in the mean time, I am grateful to the people whom I met, and whom I didn't meet. Whatever happens inthe future, the memories, experiences and conversations with you may incarnates my life, my self. I regretfully ponder how I am weak so that I could not face my true feeling and show it to you well. Gotta face it, then get over it, instead of escaping from inconvinience and unfavorableness. Now the next door is opening.

It was a day for Ludwig Wittgenstein yesterday. Directly after submitting my dissertation,  I headed down to the station to catch a the train for Cambridge. Lin booked for the reading room of Trinity Colledge library, where I spent some time to read manuscripts of Wittgenstein. The one I had been interested in was his lecture notes. I am not sure whether it's true or not, but I heard how wiredly he taught students at Cambridge; he didn't give any handouts or notes to students, but spoke out what he found is the problem of human recognition. In between, he damnned himself saying 'how stupid I am !' or something like that. Having recalled the episode, I opened the small cambus note about half of which had filled with his scar-like handwritings. Although I could read hardly anything, I noticed that was a fragment of his work called about colours. The main idea seems to be very simple;my red is not necesarily the same as your 'red', but we cannot define things like my red or your red, and only thing we could do against this lemited function is indicating what each red is, but we canot 'tell' anything for that. This indeed had been my own question (albeit, with far shallower insight about the essense of the problem) before I met Wittgenstein. I have to admit that it was one of the most satisfucting moment after I came to UK, and could bhe the best moment before I leave here. After the rich moment, we start explorring his grave in the Ascencion of Parish Cemetery. We walked, lost and walked again. Walked around the cemetery without noticing the entrance is just beside the bus stop! Ater a while we could find his name on one of tombstones, and could settled down at a restaurant with chilled tins of soda, and great fulfiment. Lin, thank you very much again!!